Tuesday 13th May 2014

Really tired this morning.

I’ve been awake since 4am listening to Jaki rehearse her full repertoire of ‘Old MacDonald had a Farm’. Most entertaining.

We had to have the van sealed up like a pie crust last night. All the windows and vents closed and two Mozzie pads plugged in to avoid any further attacks, which made the van feel like an oven. It was very uncomfortable.

Still It was nice to lie there listening to the rain beat a tattoo on the roof knowing if I wanted to, I could switch my wipers on.

We took ourselves off down to the Beach last night as there was a ‘Film Crew’ shooting something, but by the time we arrived most of the action was over and there were a lot of bored camera men stood around doing nothing.

In search of a nice Restaurant or Bar we climbed the hill toward the Fort and wandered the narrow alleyways. Eventually we heard the sound of music ( not the Julie Andrews version) and headed for that. We found a bar offering ‘Tex Mex’ style food and very good Cocktails at €5 each. The music was a bit dated consisting mainly of the Beatles and the Bee Gee’s but at least it was music.

We were sat outside in the narrow cobbled street with the balconies of people’s home just over our heads. There were a group of fly’s circling round and round like they used to in my Nan’s dining room, every now and again one would chase another before resuming their circuits. I wondered if the cheesy music had attracted them as it had us?

We chose not to eat here though the large plate of Natcho’s smothered in Cheese and Jalapeño peppers served to the next table looked appealing and a juicy steak or rack of ribs would have been good.

However, we had decided to try the Restaurant down at the Harbour which looked like it served fresh fish. I’m trying to get into fish though I find it hard as most fish is pretty unappealing.

When we got there we looked at the Menu in alarm. It was in Spanish but some of the dishes were unrecognisable. The waiter who spoke no a English produced an English version of the Menu which looked even worse.

We are quite used to seeing odd things on offer like ‘Fried Goldfish’ but this is usually due to poor translation. Here though the dishes on offer weren’t nice slabs of fresh Cod or Fillets of Bass. These were the creatures of nightmares.

Fried baby squid, deep fried octopus, sea urchins, and a whole hosts of un Godly beasts tarted up to fool people into eating them.

I ordered deep fried Red Mullet in the hope it would offer a nice tasty steak with no bones and Jaki ordered Steamed Muscles as a precursor for France.

The chips and salad came first and we should have settled for that.

Much later came the fish and it was bloody awful.

Jaki hid her disappointment with her steamed Muscles as there was no sauce, no wine or herbs, just a plate of quickly cooling muscles.

Mine on the other hand was a plate of about 8/9 whole fish the size of a sausage but not as tasty. These were ‘Anorexic’ critters. All head, tail and skeleton. I tried eating one whole like white bait but this was so crunchy it was like eating a mouth full of pins. Jaki filleted one for me but there was so little flesh it was hardly worth the bother. Because they were deep fried the skin was crisp as glass and each scale felt like a piece of tin in my mouth. My worst foodie nightmare.

So we paid up and left though not before we had at least a bit of a laugh.

All afternoon we’ve been photographing these big bee like insects that hover over the flowers and suck out the nectar like a very small humming bird. We were fascinated by them and interested to learn more.

Whilst sat waiting for our meal one of these moths landed on a picture frame on the wall above Jaki’s Head.

When the waiter brought us a bottle of Organic Red wine, Jaki pointed at it and said. “Can you tell me what that is”?

The waiter looked a bit puzzled, thought it through and then said in very poor English.

“It’s a picture of the Castle”!

Looking out of the window at the castle perched on the rock, we were able to confirm it was indeed a picture of the Castle taken from that very spot.

Well that went well.

On the way home I was forced to stop off and buy a Pizza as by now I was starving. Jaki went on back to the Van and when I arrived some time later she was sat drinking with our neighbours from the ‘Wirrel.’

I ate my Pizza though most of the topping was stuck to the cardboard box as I’d had to shove it up my jumper in order to get it home on my bike. I smothered it in the last of my home made chilli sauce and with a nice cup of tea I ate the lot including I’m sure some of the cardboard. Given the shitty fish I’d already consumed the Cardboard was very tasty.

When I went to join Jaki she was showing signs of Red Wine Syndrome and this morning I notice she’s led in her pit fully clothed so I suspect she had a few too many.

Let’s hope our new friends didn’t notice and put her gibbering conversation down to us being ‘southern Softies’ or at best the effect of eating the contents of a fish stock.

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